I've done it again. Allowed a moment to eliminate future possibilities. Each release is followed by an immediate return. The catch being, you actually do get what you ask for.
Time apart was painful, but being together and still feeling unheard is much more painful. I dread this impending separation knowing you'll be in every other thought. Continual growth tells me to leave well enough alone. My heart still says there's so much more to discuss.
I say no more to begging to be heard. Those who care already know & are working in my favor. Those I pursued are either not able or are unwilling to hear me.
More than once I've been accused of not being there. Yet birthdays missed & emergencies suffered all by my loneself. Not once given an explanation for numerous missed outtings & overlooked occasions. By my choice through my apparent desperation I continued to grin & bear it.
The ultimate test of present growth is to allow this to go. It's not going anywhere but vicious circles & my mental stability is @ risk. No longer do I believe things will improve. It is what it is, so if it starts out shady there'll likely not be a bright side.
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