Friend

 I found that friend. The friend I did not know I wanted & had little idea that I needed. In less than a year I was blown away. My friend was smart, funny & intentionally engaging. As things typically are with me, it's not all sweet roses. Those thorns however have shown threat of toxicity. Toxins that have proven somewhat addictive. 

I've benefited from our time together. I despise our time apart. To learn good from someone that considers themselves bad, is awe inspiring.  Different kind of Love for different people. 

I've been told w/certainty our time is limited. Yet we lose months at a time overreacting to the simplest of things. My pride hinders progress, my misguided emotions are overbearing and we fail to communicate truly. We talk for hours, resolve nothing yet depart amicably most times. 

This time was different. It is not right that I can't call or text when you cross my mind. I want to see you, sit with you and laugh. I now know it's all on me. 

I Love, care and long for more time with you. Never thought of not being able to reach you, never wanted to think of it. This resembles a pity friendship. I can be pitiful seeming I must admit, but not interested in being anyone's charity friend. Just documenting my realization. 

New start requires new actions, I'll no longer play the fool.